Death-everyone knows it is inevitable
truth. Many people might have seen others dying and many might have seen others
dead, however there must be few people in this world who imagine what they may think while dying.
The topic of death has been
striking my mind since I was in a hospital watching my father living his last
moments. As soon as I found myself holding my sick father’s wrinkled hand in an
ambulance with the emergency sirens on, I started feeling as if I was
teleported to a different world from the world I was living. In movies we need
background music to really feel the misery of such moment but when I was in
that circumstance death song automatically played in my mind.
The misery ascended when the
doctor at the emergency ward asked me for my permission to treat my father as
he was in a condition where he could stop breathing any moment. There was no
option to saying ‘yes’. I was watching his eyes as they put oxygen mask. His
eyes were full of life and yet he was dying. He was aggressive enough to put
four people treating him on the white coat to the ground in a fight due to the
increased blood pressure and yet he was dying. During the treatment, I felt as
if the clock was ticking much faster than usual and I was losing him very soon.
A glimpse of hope arose when
his heart beat improved and he was admitted to the intensive care unit.
Mixed emotions played in my mind
when he was in the intensive care unit for two days. I wondered how he might
have been taking the situation. After all, he was not an unconscious sick old
man receiving his death treatment but he was as alive as I was. I wondered what
he might have been thinking. One side of my brain said he must have been
thinking good, thinking about his young days, his parents, his lost ones, his
loved ones, his long stay in India, his struggle there and his tough journeys
in life while the other part said that all he must have been thinking was of
death and how he was going to end.
A glimpse of happiness arose
when he was transferred to normal ward from the intensive care unit.
In the normal ward, I could
stay close to him. I have not felt any moment precious than that moment in my
life. I could feed him, clean his dirt, talk to him and sleep nearby his bed.
He was happy at that moment though he could not express it with a smile. After
all, he was with his loveliest old-age son whom he loved very much and he had a
feeling that he had defeated death.
A glimpse of joy arose when he
was transferred to home from the hospital.
As soon as he stepped in his
home, he began feeling unwell again. After heart, kidney began to get worse.
After a night stay at home, the situation got even worse. So I began chanting ‘
The Bhagavat Geeta’ by his side as everyone wished for it. I didn’t know what I
was doing at that moment. He had stopped speaking by that moment. All he was
able to do was stare at the people around him and nod his head. I could not keep
him in such a pity and decided to take him to the hospital the next day. Most
of the people scolded at me trying to persuade me that he was not living longer
but I was not going to let him die in such a misery. So he was taken to another
hospital again.
The glimpse of joy faded when
the hospital decided to transfer him to another hospital stating that they
could not treat dying people.
So he was taken to another
hospital nearby. He was not received in the second hospital too stating the
same reason as earlier. At that moment I felt as if we did not have hospitals
big enough to accommodate dying people.
The glimpse of happiness faded
when he was transferred to the first hospital where he was treated some days
ago at the middle of the night.
After a long request they
accepted to treat him in the emergency ward until the next few hours. I was
able to take a deep breathe because I was successful at least to admit him for
some hours. It was raining outside and the weather was freezing cold. I was
with my brother-in-law wandering inside and outside, sometimes feeding my semi
conscious father with drinking water, sometimes making him comfortable at the
bed and sometimes providing companionship to my brother-in-law who was tackling
with the freezing cold outside.
Next day he was transferred to
another hospital stating that his kidneys were in very poor condition. While
taking him to the next hospital in an ambulance I felt as if we do not have a
single place on earth to let a single person die easily. He was treated in the
emergency ward for a day and transferred to the medical ward. His health had
shown some improvements in the medical ward for a day and he was eating and
speaking well. On the next day his pulses were dead on the monitor but he was
eating and talking well. I wondered of the situation but I was happy that he even
asked for massaging his body. I left the hospital that night with my brothers
and sister to take some rest keeping my few relatives to look after him.
The glimpse of hope faded away
when I was called urgently the next morning to the hospital.
When I reached the hospital I was
told that he had been calling me for some hours. I immediately entered the
critical care unit where he had been transferred after I left him. I saw him motionless and lifeless. They asked
to put on the ventilator and I agreed . After few hours, he was declared dead.
The only question that has
been arising in my mind since his death is what might he had been thinking at
his last moments. Was he thinking of his three sons who could not be there
while he was leaving this world or was he thinking of meeting his parents who
had passed away several years ago or was he thinking something else really
bothers me these days.
